Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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