I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
