There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
