Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
