So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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