Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize