eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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