Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He told me they were just razor bumps!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
