In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
