he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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