I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
