Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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