Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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