I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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