I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
