Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
