I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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