I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
