She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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