I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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