We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
