i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
