I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
