Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
