Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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