Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
