I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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