I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
