It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
