after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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