Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize