please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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