well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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