Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
