They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
