Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize