I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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