I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
