i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize