A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
