I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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