It's Friday. Sex?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize