I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
