So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
