I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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