Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
birth control should be required to get into college
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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