Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
