We named our party play list daddy issues
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
