This dress was meant to end up on your floor
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
