What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
