i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize