Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
