Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
