It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
