Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
