You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
