Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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