my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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