I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
