my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
