she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize