im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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