swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
