the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
