kristin has been a bad kristin
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
