Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He has the fingertips of a God
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