Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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