Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
