its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
