I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize