Already got asked if we're dating
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize