i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
