I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
