Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
