My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
