im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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