The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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