I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
