so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
