ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
