there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
