i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
